paleo bread - easier than you think!!

oh my gawd.  i had no idea this stuff was so easy to make.  and i haven't messed up ONCE!!

looks pretty good, right?  allrighty then. no reason to pay bazillions for your bread fix when it literally takes but 10 minutes of your time (and less than an hour in the oven)!

first off, get thee to a food scale!!  they can be relatively cheap, but when you bake shiite, you really can't rely on teaspoons and cups. 

here's what you need.  

the harder stuff to find is the psyllium husk.  our local Outpost has the following:

since i already own a cannister of the whole version of colon blow, i'll just go w/ what i have.  you can buy the powdered kind.

like i said, 45 grams.  weigh it out first.

then, if you need to, throw it in your spice/coffee grinder (yah, you might want to clean it out first).

and give it a good grind for 5-10 seconds.

throw that in your mixing bowl

then measure out the almond flour the same way.  

142 grams (or about 1.5 cups). 

i used blanched almond flour for this.  

what the hell is BLANCHED almond flour, you ask?  well, um, it's basically just throwing the almonds with their skins on in boiling water for a few seconds in order to loosen their skins.  then they take them out (before they get cooked) and rub off the skins so that when they grind it down into flour/meal, you don't get all those brown bits in with the nice light almond color.  if you don't mind the almond skin bits, by all means, pick up a bag of on unbleached!

so, back on track... 

in the mixing bowl it goes, along w/ the baking powder and the salt. 

mix up the dry, then add the eggs and vinegar.

mix well.

then add your boiling water.

and mix again.

form into 5 bun sized disks (or 4 or 6 - depending upon what you want to eat them with)

and stick them in a 350F oven for 40-45 minutes.  

ok, i forgot to take pictures of the BEFORE.  but...

they should look like this when they're done.

the ones on the bottom were made w/ leftover tomato dill soup (that i made the varkenkidlets the night before).  i used the same amount of boiling liquid, just watered down the leftover soup a bit.  turned out pretty much the same texture. 

and, yes, i know i said it makes 5 buns, and five are perfect for a good sized deli sandwich.  wanted smaller buns for soup.  and the 4 bun size?  well, the varkenhusband wanted burgers.  so i made them bigger.   

Basic Paleo Bread/Buns

makes 5 buns (or 4 or 6)

142 grams almond flour (about 1.5 cups)
45 grams psyllium husk (about 5 TBSP) GROUND
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt (Celtic sea salt is the preference of paleo nuts)
2.5 TBSP apple cider vinegar
3 egg whites (i've used both large and xtra large w/ comparable results)
1 cup - 2TBSP BOILING water (7 oz)

Preheat oven to 350F.  Mix dry ingredients together in medium sized mixing bowl (almond flour, psyllium husk, baking powder, salt).  In a separate bowl, mix the egg whites and vinegar.  Mix in w/ dry ingredients until stiff dough is formed.  Add boiling water (the dough will puff up a bit).  Mix until no more lumps are visible.  The dough will get stiff again.

Separate dough into 5 portions (or 4 or 6).  Place on baking sheet (either on Silpat or parchment paper OR greased pan) and bake for 40-45 minutes.

Remove from oven and let cool completely.

Rolled and Stuffed Pork Tenderloin Deconstructed

ok, so it seems a few people aren't too comfortable in the kitchen.

i decided to restore my crappy Chinese fud blog and fill it w/ easy paleo recipes.  mostly cuz i don't know how else to do it. 

so, here was dinner tonite:

i know, not the prettiest of plates or presentation, but i was working w/ my eye-phone WHILE i was cooking.  and it was a last minute thing.  if this thing works out, i'll set up my tripod and my canon...

looks good.  not so hard.  here's how we start.

first, we get a pork tenderloin.  Sendiks has them.  whatever you do, DON'T buy them already injected with all that crap!  they do sell them plain-jane.

then we make a cut down the center - not too deep!

and we carefully "butterfly" the pork so we can pound the living daylights out of it and get it nice and thin.  

like this:

easiest if you slip it in a plastic bag, or between some plastic wrap sheets.  and just bang away at it till it's uniform in thickness.  

of course, you can also ask your friendly butcher to butterfly the loin for you, but you still might have to pound your own pork.  i would have said beat your own meat, but that really would be rude.

you can do this while you're frying your paleo friendly bacon.  i suggest you just fry up the whole package.  you'll only need a few slices.  and some of the reserved fat, but you can always use the bacon tomorrow... 

now dice up a medium sweet onion.  don't bother being too careful w/ the uniformity.  you're not on Top Chef...  

next, do the same w/ a package of crimini mushrooms (yes, of course you can use white button mushrooms - just get some mushrooms).  you can slice.

or dice.  

this is probably my favorite ingredient.  i like to drive to the Chinese market and buy a vat of it, already peeled...

if you haven't been to the Chinese market lately, you'll have to peel and chop your own.  three or four oughtta do...

you can see that the mushrooms and onions have already been browning in a little of the bacon fat.  when they're just about ready, throw in the smooshed and chopped garlic.

now's the time to season.  grab a little flake salt (not too much at first maybe 1/2 a tsp) and a few healthy grinds of black pepper.  and, if you have it, some rosemary, thyme, and sage.

OR...  you could just add some of this to your mix.  it has a couple of added ingredients - like sage and bay leaves and (yes) more garlic.  but i've found it to be an easy addition, and a nice mix.  in fact, you may want to consider heading to Penzey's right now just to get a few spice blends!

oh, and while you're waiting the three minutes it might take the garlic to soften, grab a bag of baby spinach.  

now give it a good chop.

and thow it in the pan till it's all wilted.

now turn off your saute pan!

and take the pounded pork out of the bag.

salt and pepper it just a bit...  

and spread just enough of the mixture on it to leave a bit of room on all sides (you have to be able to roll it, you know)

don't forget the bacon!  take out a few slices from the stuff you just cooked and crumble it up.

now sprinkle it on top of the mixture

and ROLL.

then tie.  if you can't tie, then grab some toothpicks and kind of "sew" it together

i've given you a headstart on the tie-ing part

i suggest you throw the tied loin back in your saute pan w/ a little extra bacon grease to give it a good sear before you put it in the oven (about 375F is nice) for a little under 45 minutes.  

ideally, the internal temp should be around 145F.  see?  i'm pretty close.  and mine took about 35 minutes.  but then, i have an old oven and everything i do happens by chance.  lucky me tonite! 

viola.  as in singing violins.  not bad, says the varkenhusband...

Rolled and Stuffed Pork Tenderloin

1 pork tenderloin, (they generally run 1.5 lbs)
1 medium onion, diced
8 oz mushrooms (your choice) sliced or chopped
3 cloves garlic, chopped
1 5 or 6oz bag baby spinach, chopped
3 or 4 slices bacon
reserved bacon fat
1-2 tsp Penzey's Bavarian Seasoning OR
(a total of 1-2 tsp rosemary, thyme, and sage)
salt
pepper

Fry bacon in saute pan until crisp.  Remove from pan and drain on paper towel.  Drain and wipe pan clean of bacon bits.  Add back 1 TBSP bacon fat.
Saute onions and mushrooms on medium heat until onions are soft and mushrooms have reduced, about 10 minutes.  Add garlic.  After no more than 3 minutes, add chopped spinach and stir until wilted.  Turn off heat.

Add mixture to flattened pork tenderloin, then add crumbled bacon to top.  Roll and secure w/ butcher's string or toothpicks.

Add 1 TBSP reserved bacon fat to same saute pan.  Sear pork on high heat turning to get all sides, 5 minutes.  Place in 375F oven for 40-45 minutes, or until internal temp reaches 145F.

Remove from oven and let rest 10 minutes.  Slice and serve.

you don't wanna know

deep fried silk worm chrysallis

yep. i ate one.

didn't think i'd have it in me, eh? well. ONE was enough. tasted a little like fried dirt. clean, yet earthy... the korean mum who ordered these for us to try today was dissapointed - she was hoping they'd come steamed.

i'm rather thankful they did not. cuz i'm not sure i could have downed it if it were. but i did it all sans beverage, cuz mine never arrived.

my week of old meat

i know i know - it's been awhile. but w/ the whole chinese new year thang, ayi had her own fishballs to fry and we gave her 10 days off. like most of china. including our DAILY newspaper. who'da thunk?

anywayze, we're back at it. and i have a few pix to post to play catsup. but i'll start w/ today, and move back thru the week, if you can stomach it. not so sure i did. but i made a new old friend. learned i can pocket a bottle of tabasco everytime we head out to our fambly friendly haunt (blue frog) (but i promised the teachers i'd stay away from their friday nites - cuz that's when they hang out there - 2fers - till 8pm.

ok ok. back to plate presentation. nothing's improved. did we actually think it might after an extended leave? i bought new plates (they're red). but i think they're too much trouble to get out of the butterfly cabinet. i somehow think it improves the taste of dinners of late.

this? methinks it's my arugula along w/ the daikon radish she bought on monday. mixed w/ the rest of the bottle of sesame oil. that's all i taste. radish. oil. arugula. served room temp. not bad. but a bit too oily for my taste. but now i have no arugula left for MY evening salad (of mixed greens that i guard closely or they'll be served up cooked, for lunch).

cabbage. 2nd time this week. but today it's yellow. i dunno why it's so yellow. she doesn't use any of my spices. otherwise, i'd think tumeric. maybe just too much chicken flavored msg. oh. and pepper. and garlic cloves. we use a lot of garlic here. whole and cloven.

no zhu rou today.

instead? i get this.
the gristly bits of the steak we cooked a week ago. might have been last TUESDAY - the last day of the holiday. i distinctly remember not being able to actually EAT my meal cuz we had pop in visitors with perfect timing (just off the grill) that wouldn't leave. so we just packed the whole thing up (baked potato, sauteed mushrooms and all) in hopes that we'd eat it the next day (or the next day or the day after that). apparently, there was still some left for lunch today (WEDNESDAY). and since she's painfully aware i'm not fond of the zhu rou, this was deemed an acceptable protein replacement.

from ducks... to soup

i know i know - i REALLY should have labeled this post "PETS?? or MEAT???" - i HAVE a sense of humor. but i just couldn't. unbelievably so, we almost got to that point. this dang thing was quacking about early monday morning so much that it woke the varkenkidlets up and they had to wander down three flights of stairs to the back laundry to see who/what was making such a ruckus. and then wanted to set it free.

can you bleeb it showed up in a plastic GROCERY BAG???
(it did)

unfortunately for him - i mean HER - it was she (making such the ruckus)

and, although we were promised a reprive till "this aftahnoon!!," he was done in by 10am. much to the chagrin of all involved (well, except for ayi - who got the major reprieve from all the laundry).

i really was expecting something a little closer to the following. clean, prepared - you know - something that a city girl can handle. i've PLUCKED a few birds before. i've just never had to MEET them first!!!

and yet. after all that. mr(s) quackers turned out to be nuthing more than a big bowl of czarnina. yes. the varkenkidlets did try a bit. and yes - mr. varkenjaab and i did have our share. it just wasn't all that i wanted it to be.

quite delishuss. and quite local. but not exactically local and delishuss.

mr varkenjaab says it's cuz i chickened out again on the potato dumplings. and yes. he would be right. but it was hard enough mixing in the bright red congealed mass o' half coagulated blood and flour to make it soup.

look. i tried my best.

but i'm not saving any leftovers...

a whole mess o' onions!

technically, this was yesterday's lunch, but one of the varkenkidlets stayed home from skool yesterday. he was not at all interested in my usual glisteny mass of vegetables (and zhu rou). he opted for one of the precious few cans of spaghettios. which i happily microwaved for him.

ayi thinks i'm serving him italian fud. notsomuch...

ayi and i had a little come to jesus chat on vegetable market monday. she now understands i am not fond of zhu rou.
or eggs.
ah, but you know it's in there - the zhu rou. only one piece is visible, though. i musta picked out at least another dozen. other than the zhu rou, nuthin' but spring onions.
also, i'm pretty sure that she goes thru a butt-ton of sugar and salt and chicken flavored msg. she's off to the store at the moment, replacing.

sigh... sigh... sigh...